Dear Wife/ Swweetheart/Girrl Friend/ Parrtner/whomeever it may cooncern,
Beetween 11 June and 11 July 22010, you shouuld read the spports section of the newspapeer so that you aare aware of
wwhat is going onn regarding thee World of Socccer, and that wway you will be able to join in the conversati ons. If you fail
too do this, then you will be looked at in a badd way, or you wwill be totally iggnored. DO NOOT complain abbout not
reeceiving any atttention.
During the Worldd Cup, the teleevision is mine, at all times, wwithout any excceptions. If youu even take a gglimpse of the
reemote control, you will lose it (your eye).
If you have to p ass by in front of the TV duri ng a game, I ddon't mind, as llong as you doo it crawling on the floor and
wwithout distracti ng me.
During the gamees I will be blinnd, deaf and m ute, unless I reequire a refill oof my drink or ssomething to e at. You are outt
off your mind if yyou expect me to listen to youu, open the door, answer thee telephone, or pick up the baaby that just fe ll
onn the floor....It won't happen.
Itt would be a goood idea for you to keep at leeast 2 six packss in the fridge aat all times, as well as plenty of things to
niibble on (excluding your bodyy parts), and pllease do not mmake any funnyy faces to my frriends when theey come over
too watch the gammes. In return,, you will be allowed to use thhe TV betweenn 12am and 6amm, unless theyy replay a good
gaame that I misssed during the day.
Pllease, please, pplease!! If you see me upset because one oof my teams is llosing, DO NOTT say "get overr it, it's only a
gaame", or "don'tt worry, they'll win next time"". If you say thhese things, youu will only makke me angrier aand I will love
yoou less. Rememmber, you will nnever ever knoow more about football than mme and your soo called "wordss of
enncouragement"" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
Yoou are welcome to sit with m e to watch onee game and yo u can talk to mme during halftime but only wwhen the
coommercials aree on, and only iif the half time scores is pleassing me. In adddition, please nnote I am sayinng "one" game ;
heence do not usse the World Cuup as a nice ch eesy excuse too "spend time ttogether".
Thhe replays of thhe goals are veery important. I don't care if II have seen theem or I haven't seen them, I want to see
thhem again, Manny times.
Teell your friendss NOT to have aany babies, or any other childd related partiees or gatherings that requires my
a)) I will not go,
b)) I will not go, and
c)) I will not go.
Buut, if a friend oof mine invites us to his housee on a Sunday to watch a gamme, we will be there in a flashh.
Thhe daily World Cup highlightss show on TV eevery night is juust as importannt as the games themselves. Do not even
thhink about saying "but you haave already seeen this...why doon't you chang e the channel tto something wwe can all
wwatch?" becausee, the reply wil l be, "Refer to Rule #2 of thiss list".
Annd finally, plea se save your e xpressions succh as "Thank Good the World CCup is only every 4 years". I aam immune to
thhese words, because before aand after this coomes the Chammpions League,, Premier League, Italian Lea gue, Spanish
Leeague, KPL, FAA Cup, Euro Cupp, etc.
Byy the way if yoou get stuck on the road call tthe Police or AAA.
Thhank you for yoour cooperatio n.
My Big Family
3 days ago